The Mouse, the Monster and Me: Assertiveness for Young People Read Aloud

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If you want to raise strong and confident kids, educational activity assertiveness is key. Assertive children know how to stand up for themselves (and others) without beingness hurtful or mean. They tin say "no," communicate clearly, and maintain positive relationships that meet their own needs as well as those of others.

"Assertiveness works in all situations, giving kids guidelines for navigating everything from the playground to the sleep party. It helps kids take good for you relationships and a solid cocky-esteem."

-Margarita Tartakovsky, psychologist

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Few of us are born believing, and the fear of seeming rude or selfish tin can foreclose us from advocating for ourselves. Fortunately, with practice, we can help kids chief this powerful ability, and gain the many benefits associated with assertive communication.

Hither are the 5 ways to become started:

i. Talk About It

Tell kids at that place are 3 bones styles of communication. Each time we speak or interact with other people, we choose one of these methods: passive , aggressive , or assertive .

We can figure out our communication style past looking for clues in our words and actions:

For immature kids , attempt using animals to correspond each style. Let them brainstorm different creatures associated with the 3 types: passive (a turtle in his beat out or a mouse that runs and hides), aggressive (a tiger who attacks or acquit that roars), and assertive (a wise owl or at-home family canis familiaris who barks at danger).

As well:

• Praise kids for using their assertive or "owl" advice when treatment a catchy situation ("I like how yous spoke up!")
• Read "The Mouse, the Monster, and Me: Assertiveness For Immature People" by Pat Palmer
• Bespeak out passive, aggressive and assertive behavior in their favorite movies and TV shows (Officeholder Judy Hopps in Zootopia or Frozen's Anna are great examples of assertiveness). Note how the characters around them react to each type

Finally, think of communication every bit a spectrum, with passivity at 1 terminate and aggression at the other--assertiveness is the "sweet spot" in betwixt. Remind kids that regardless of which mode they currently use the near, they can learn to exist assertive!

2.Ascertain Boundaries

Talk over how at that place are boundaries in the earth, or lines that should not be crossed. These exist on a physical level, similar stop signs or even "personal bubbles" (the space around our bodies) equally well as emotional boundaries (things that injure our feelings).

One way to respect these boundaries is past discussing the power of "no." Whether it's an unwanted hug from grandma or a bossy friend on the playground, kids need to hear that assertively maxim no is not only acceptable--it'due south their right.

"If nosotros desire our kids to acquire to mind to their guts and exist comfortable expressing their ain limits, and standing up for them, we demand to allow them practice that skill from a young age."

-Sue Lively, teacher and parenting writer

Consider these ideas:

• Explain that setting boundaries (proverb "no," "stop" or "I don't similar that") keeps our bodies and minds safety and healthy
• Support kids in proverb "no" over negotiable issues (not wanting to wear certain clothing, hug someone or read a particular volume are practiced places to start)
• Review the " Circle of Control " poster and talk over how nosotros can merely be in charge of our ain feelings and behavior, not the behavior or reactions of others
• Read "Listening to My Body" by Gabi Garcia to stay continued to the of import sensations and emotional cues our bodies send us

Assertive communication ways considering the needs of others, only never at our own expense. I oftentimes say to my daughter, "If it's not kind to y'all , then information technology's not kind at all ."

3. Teach "I" Messages

Of all the conflict resolution strategies that exist, the "I" message is my all-time favorite. It's easy to use, and resolves problems like no other.

Hither's the simple formula: " I feel ( insert feeling ) when yous ( insert behavior ). I would like you to ( insert request ) ."

When my daughter experienced a situation at the playground (other girls said she couldn't play with them), we practiced my suggestion:

"I feel angry when you tell me I can't play . I would like you to let me join in .

Then my daughter came upwardly with her own:

"I feel hurt when you leave me out . I'd like you to stop saying I can't play ."

Know that "I" messages work because they are non-judgmental . They neither blame nor criticize, and keep the listener from feeling attacked or defensive.

You might as well effort:

• Practicing like assertive phrases: "I need more than space"/"I don't similar it when…"/"I think…"
• Using a mirror to practice (cheque for eye contact and confident posture)
• Sharing the positive touch of "I" messages: "I loved how you used that 'I' bulletin to tell me what y'all wanted. It made me feel like I wanted to assist you."

iv. Build Friendship Skills

Assertiveness skills are not just necessary for dealing with the playground bang-up . It'south oft our closest friendships that crave making our needs and feelings known.

Showtime by talking with your child about the qualities she wants in a friend. What kinds of things brand a good friend ? How do friends act ?

Share the characteristics You look for, and be sure to say that you lot work hard to be the kind of friend you lot want.

Next, discuss how friendship conflicts are normal sometimes and are actually opportunities to abound your assertiveness skills . Identify some common sources of disagreement, and make a list together. This might include:

• Not enjoying the same activities at recess
• Feeling left out when your friend plays or talks to someone else
• A friend who brags often
• Being excluded from a birthday party

Endeavour to identify ane-2 solutions for each of these scenarios, and part-play how to handle them (using an 'I' message is a great starting time). While a "perfect friendship" does not be, all relationships do good from the openness and honesty that assertiveness allows.

Bank check out the Friendship Claiming in our Challenges Kit . It has fun activities to help develop positive friendships.

5. Model Confidence

We know that kids lookout man what we practice more than what we say . If we hope to raise confident kids, it's crucial to communicate assertively in our own lives. Not always the easiest matter!

You might commencement by:

• Speaking up when you need to, and letting your kid meet you say (and stick to) "no"
• Discussing the times assertiveness is difficult for yous, and how y'all overcome it by practicing
• Using a calm, confident vocalisation when stating your views
• Praise (and even reward) yourself when you practise well

Another way to model assertiveness is through active listening . During a conflict, simply restate what the other person has said before y'all reply. This is especially impactful when the disagreement is with your kid: "Yous're saying 'no' to the blue dress today. I hear you" or "You really want to watch the fireworks. It seems like the other kids all become to stay up late."

"There is no improve manner to teach your kid to exist assertive than to show him how to do it."

-Deidre Parsons, parenting author

Assertiveness takes practice for all of us . Merely modeling assertive communication allows both united states of america and our kiddos to reap its powerful benefits, including confidence, loftier self-esteem and positive relationships.

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Source: https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/how-to-raise-assertive-child

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